When in the Course of one’s eating habits, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the savory tastes of a food as delicious as fresh buttered popcorn, and to assume, among the other food groups, a new favorite snack, a decent respect to the opinions of food requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all snacks are not created equal, that they are endowed by the Food Industry with certain nutritious Elements, that among these are Calories, Carbohydrates, and Starches. That, to ensure that these elements do not negatively impact one’s health, one shall have to monitor their consumption and track the quantities they consume. Simply the act of not being extremely nutritious is not enough to drive apart the two, so to prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
It has gotten stuck in one’s teeth many a time until one must resort to using Floss.
It has Buttered our fingers so that they are unhelpfully sticky.
It has splattered its butter in our microwaves as we wait for its preparation.
It has continued to be delicious down to the Final Kernel so that one has no choice but to either polish it off or share the deliciousness with others.
It has left, in the bottom of its bag or other method of preparation, a Residue of kernels that refuse to be popped, much to the dismay of the consumer.
It is salted heavily and claims any water that one may drink, creating a bloated sensation in one’s stomach.
It has, by those who possess a certain allergic reaction, been consumed without the knowledge of the corn content and created an unpleasant result.
It has, when coated in caramel, attached to one’s teeth, not allowing one to chew with the same vigor.
We, therefore, do solemnly PUBLISH and DECLARE that independence will be obtained from the most delicious of after-school snacks and we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor without the influence of a popped corn delicacy.
I like it, Alanna! All of your points are so true! haha (:
ReplyDeleteIt never fails, whenever I eat popcorn, it inevitably gets stuck in my teeth.
This was a really creative and entertaining topic, great job!
Ha ha, Alanna, you are such a comical writer! "Been consumed without the knowledge of the corn content" and "Calories, Carbohydrates, and Starches" made me laugh. I also appreciate your random capitalization of nouns. The only thing I question is your dedication to this separation :)
ReplyDelete~Mary